August 13th Road Trip and Concert Recap

LAKE OZARK TO HAMMOND – 12 HOURS OF ECSTASY

Since it only took twelve hours to return to Lake Ozark from our Merrillville, Indiana, hotel and the Clay/Ruben concert near Chicago, I have plenty of time left today to do my recap. If there are short gaps between sentences, don’t worry…….when my head hit the keyboard nothing essential was harmed….like the keyboard.


Nan and I were up at 4:30 a.m.Thursday and rarin’ to go…..well, at our age, sorta slow-motion rarin’……but we were out of the house by 5:30, Nan in full makeup and me full of coffee, so we both felt we would be able to cope in the dark. Now comes the
RECAP of why it took us over an hour to get to Eldon – 11 miles from my house. Obviously I had not had enough coffee. On our first foray, we didn’t get out of the driveway before I turned and said to Nan in the pitch dark, I better get my knee brace, just in case……as if the worse thing that could happen to us was that my knee would go out…..such innocents we were then.

Next we made it about a half mile when I turned and said to Nan in the dark, I wonder if I left the garage light on? I made what I thought was a U-turn at the first cross-street and started back to my house. After a while I turned and said to Nan in the not-quite-so-dark, I don’t think we’re on my road anymore…..these houses don’t look familiar……another U-turn and we returned to the original turn and in the dawning light I said to Nan, I think this is my road. Sure enough it was my road, and the garage light was on. Nan was very understanding.

On the last foray we made it to the stoplight at the end of my road, when I turned in the daylight and said to Nan, (I was somewhat startled to see she what staring straight at me), I wonder if I have my phone. I searched my handbag. No phone. Now, I had to have my phone, in case the dog sitter needed to call me (btw, the dogs were quite excited each time I re-entered the house and were rather pissed when they didn’t get their usual treat.) So I pulled into a bank parking lot and searched my tote bag (plastered with Clay pix, of course). No phone. So back to my house we went…… all the time trying to remember where I was the last time I used my cell. The dogs were snarling when I entered the house this time. I found my phone, took a xanax, sidestepped the snarling dogs, turned out the garage light, and limped back to the car. Nan was still staring.

When we arrived in Eldon, an hour late, Joan and Joyce were QUITE ready to go and off we went, Nan and I in the back, Joan driving her luxurious Lincoln Town Car, and Joyce navigating with a bulging folder of printed directions from various sources at the ready.

The trip seemed to be going well for several hours. I slept most of the time, (trying to be unobtrusive, naturally) but could hear Joyce reading directions off and on. Then I kept hearing , “where is highway X? why are we going right through the middle of town? we have to turn around and go back for aways.” This woke me up.

I hate to reveal that this happened more than once. Since I am not trusted to drive by anyone I know (by that I mean, anyone who has ridden with me) I appreciate any and every one who gives me a ride and only occasionally asked, “what city are we in now?”
When I learned we were in Chicago/Indianapolis megalopolis, I sat straight up. We seemed to be in an inner city area. I deduced this by the narrow, crowded streets and
bars on all the windows and doors and gas stations with HUGE black bars at pay windows. We are going very slowly with stops at each intersection. Joyce is mumbling directions and Joan is repeating she can’t read the street signs. Nan and I are clutching one another in the backseat like Hansel and Gretel in the forest.

This continued for quite awhile until Joan finally deciphered a street sign and low and behold we were on the right “track”. Joyce’s directions became street by street turns and we all eagerly awaited “Casino Roadway”. Unfortunately, things were not that simple. We were back to, “turn around and go back to where we made the wrong turn.” My only contribution during this was, (which was only half in jest) “Look for Lake Michigan”

On our way back to “where we made the wrong turn”, we even sighted the majestic Horseshoe casino building and complex itself. Unfortunately, we could not actually see a road going to it. It was kinda like Cinderella’s castle far off in the mist. So we did what every intelligent middle aged, Midwesterner does. We pulled into a McDonalds to ask for directions. (here’s the very best part of this story). As Joyce was getting out of the car, the lady the SUV sitting next to us with her door open said, “you look like you’re lost.” Joyce ran to her like Poo to a honey jar. We watched out the window and this angel of mercy talked very slowly to Joyce, who returned to the car with a beatific smile on her face.

“This lady says she will lead us there.”

We had been on the road 12 hours and arrived exactly an hour before the concert was to begin.

And so ends the story of our road trip to the Clay/Ruben concert,……….except for the parts where the valet parking attendant told us we were in the lot for “Players” only (and in possession of cards denoting such status, of course) and Joyce begged him in a little girl voice and tears in her eyes to let us park there – which he did. ( who says big city folks aren’t generous) And the part where we wandered through the screaming slot machines endlessly searching for a bathroom.

Oh, and the concert was great and Clay and Ruben were in great voice and comedic spirits and the band was great and loud and the audience was appreciative of both men
and Clay looked great (except for the hair). My theory is that he lays face down on a sturdy ironing board and Ruben sprays starch on whatever hair falls on the board and then irons it and when Clay gets up that amount of hair stands straight up like a “L” from the top of his head.

HALLOWEEN TIME AGAIN


Halloween, like all holidays, is not as busy around my house as it used to be. But business is picking up......my grandkids are getting old enough to come over now. Colin and Megan live close so i get to see them in their cartoon characters. Last year they were Scooby-Do and a purple Care Bear.

]


Also last year i got to see my Connecticut grandson, Illeas, before Halloween, but he was still happy to pose in his Dragon costume.



i got a kick out of this Frankenstein Hand that moved across the table, but Illeas wasn't too sure it was safe.


Even the dogs dressed up last year.





My Tommy seems much happier about this holiday than Lara's Maddy. Looks like she thinks she may have to make an emergency call to the ASPCA.

Here's some memories i wrote about a couple of years ago.
Remember when there were no such things as store-bought costumes??? You were a hobo, or ghost, or wore your mother’s clothes….that was about it. But nobody worried about razors in apples then either.

The Halloween that will always stand out in my mind is the year i begged and begged my mother to let me wear her dangly rhinestone earrings with one of her fancier dresses and high heels (now these were her very nicest earrings, mind you) and she refused. But being the persistent only-child i was, i bugged her until she relented.

Of course, i lost one of them somewhere along my route. I just hated to go home that night. Not that i was afraid i would be punished, because i knew i wouldn’t be. But because i knew how hurt she would be….to lose that favorite earring…and that i had been so careless after i had promised and promised how careful i would be. Nothing hurts a child like that “mother guilt thing” does it? I use it on my kids all the time now..

The only other Halloween i really remember was the last one. My girlfriend and i must have been thirteen or fourteen….still young enough to want to get as much candy as we could (girls didn’t grow up so quickly then, obviously)….but aware enough of our age and height to be a little self-conscious. I remember we had a great time and were amassing great quantities of calories when we went to the last house we ever went to (these momentous occasions need to be documented, yaknow). The woman gave us candy, but guess she just couldn’t help herself from ruining our evening, “Aren’t you girls a little old for this?”

Now i wonder what would prompt her to say that to two young girls. She ruined this holiday for us forever. Maybe she had had a bad day herself, maybe she was just tired from answering the door bell, maybe she was just a frustrated old bitch. I’m sure she had problems of her own (all adults do). But my girlfriend and i didn’t understand that. We only knew we had been slapped in the face. The candy really didn’t even taste too good that night. We felt ashamed that we had been going door to door and embarassing ourselves and didn’t even realize it. Unfortunately, innocence ends so much sooner these days. days.

When my kids were little we lived in a great neighborhood and I made all their costumes. The best was the robot - two cardboard boxes spray painted silver with wire antennae on top. By that time, i always accompanied them on their forages(maybe even stole a snickers bar once in a while when they weren’t looking). Anyway, the neighbors would always invite us all in and they would oooooh and aaaah over their costumes and the kids would just preen with pride.


What memories! Now all the kids go from store to store at the mall. No meeting neighbor kids to go from door to door. No running up the street in the dark, yelling and shouting maybe even howling to the sky just for the fun of it. No discussions of which neighbors gave the best treats and which were so stingy you might as well skip their house or which house to skip because there were rumors that they didn't like kids there.....and besides they never left their porch light on anyway. Everything has changed, but then it always does, doesn't it.


But still…….i always wonder who found that rhinestone earring and what they did with it.

It’s just me, geni

p.s. sorry about the Christmas music. It is much too much hard work to change it and besides the stores all have Christmas stuff everywhere....why not my music??

Check out these

LIVE FROM NEW YORK…..IT’S ME ON LIBERTY ISLAND



CLICK TO ENLARGE


AND HELEN WITH ME AND RAMESES OR XERCES OR PTAH AT THE METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART






Hi everybody,

I keep waiting for Helen to write a blog about our wonderful five day vacation and cult trip to New York City. Whenever I think about it, an old tune seems to waft through my mind, like from one of those old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns…… “THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY.”

Perhaps it would be wise to start with the GOOD.

Helen and I did have a glorious if sometimes frustrating time. We discovered we had a lot in common (besides CA, of course) since we both loved sleeping late, reading, museums, food, and makeup,(more later on this),. First of all, our prayers were answered and ours was NOT one of the 500 American Airlines flights cancelled that morning…..getting up at 3:30 am to get to St Louis was a bitch though.

Spamalot was glorious! We saw it the first night we were in ny. We had sixth row seats on the left (which we had been advised to get by previous attending clayfans.) I initially was quite upset with these seats because since there were described as four seats from the aisle, I had innocently (read; gullibly) assumed that they were counting from the left center aisle……not the left side wall aisle. The bad thing was that we couldn’t see about 1/6th of the left side of the stage. A nice (read; infinitesimal) glass of wine from the theater bar soon elevated my spirits. The good thing was that we could see Clay as clearly as if he were just 6 feet before us. I slapped Helen’s hand several times to try to curtail that grasping motion she developed early in the show. Spam was hilarious and Clay is quite the comedian. And no one yelled his name from the audience. However, a lot of us gave only him a standing ovation for the final bows to which he gave an open arms, palms up “what can you do?” expression to his fellow actors.





Yes, we did go to the stage door to try for an autograph. (yes, i became a groupie rather late in life.)After the show we were rather slow getting out of the theater and then didn't know where the stage door was......by the time we found where it was......and we had walked past it at least 4 times that day......the crowd was 6 or 7 deep. obviously we are not GOODFANS. but we did wait and see him come out but no signed Playbills for the slow....and slow witted.


GOOD AND BAD:

The location of our hotel, the Milford Plaza, was wonderful…right in the middle of the theater district……and lots of deli’s. On the other hand it was quite old with small rooms and very leaky faucets, which Helen reported to the hotel desk . Conversely, they had just installed new elevators which had no floor numbers inside the elevator. On one trip down, we properly pushed number one for the lobby, entered, and when the doors opened we were in Santa’s Workshop, without the toys and elves, however. This floor seemed to be a storage and working area for the restoration crew. Helen was a little worried, but I had her document our predicament with my brownie instamatic (see below) Luckily the buttons outside the elevators worked properly and we were soon in the lobby. Helen complained nosily, and I delighted in showing the conserirge conciurge, conseeirgh…..man in the booth, my digital pix.





More hotel woes the next day when we returned from our day-long trek through (twice) Central Park and when we finally returned to our room we found we were unable to unlock our door and had a doorknob note saying, “SEE THE MANAGER”. I felt like we were students being sent to the principal, and I knew that that Hell-raisin’ Helen had got us in deep doodoo.

Sure enough, they said they were unable to fix the faucet and we had to move to another room……..ohohohohohohoh.

I was right! This new room was the detention area, obviously……even smaller than the first, on the street side of the hotel (ah, the music of a ny night!!) and instead of a closet it had an ancient wooden armoire…..I kid you not. I kept expecting Ethel Merman to jump out of it and sing “NEW YORK, NEW YORK” at any minute…….




VIEW FROM THE DETENTION ROOM WINDOW

Well, we survived….I refused to let Helen complain any more. I have much more to tell about Tavern on the Green, Metropolitan Museum of art, Statue of Liberty boat trip, Macys and shopping on 5th avenue. My lovely daughter Lara Jean came into ny Sunday afternoon to have lunch and shop with us.

Here’s where the makeup comes in. There’s this great shop about the size of Walmart with just makeup and mirrors and samples and little brushes and q-tips and all kinds of sample applicators…and lots of employee-makeup-artists standing around to convince you how lovely you look. We all bought too much….

Then we went to the gigantic Toys R Us with a roaring t-rex……..but that’s too much to tell…..

TTYL, geni

Christmas Greetings, dear friends,

Here's just a little Christmas joy from my house to your house.(you can click on any picture to enlarge it.)













Colin was my only grandchild to visit Santa this year. Megan and Illeas are too little and that red suit and white beard are rather scary. Anyone recognize the last pic of the two cuties with Santa?


My friends and I enjoyed a wonderful Christmas Concert by Clay Aiken in Wichita the end of November. We partied of course.












And here is a personal Christmas story i wrote as part of the fan club.


Christmas is a time for families to be together, even if they live hundreds of miles apart, and each family has its own traditions as every married couple quickly discovers. My husband’s family lived in another town in Missouri – a three hour drive for us. And they absolutely knew the best time to celebrate Christmas was December 24th with a big dinner that afternoon and then the opening of all the presents on Christmas Eve. All family members were required to be there. My family, on the other hand, who lived in our home town, knew that Christmas morning was the correct time to celebrate the season, so that all of Santa’s presents would be miraculously on hand. And all members of the family were required to be there.

So, like the obedient son and daughter, my husband and I were, we attempted to please everyone. Early in the morning of each December 24th we packed up our two kids, a load of presents for seven relatives, and of course, the dog……a very even tempered, though rather large, German Shepherd named Frieda, and drove the three hours from the Lake of the Ozarks to Kansas City in order to spend the day and evening with DH’s family. Then around nine or ten p.m. we repacked presents from seven people to the four of us, and tossed Frieda and the sleeping kids into the back of the station wagon, where they nestled quite comfortably on the foam rubber mattress in the back, (anyone else remember those?) and began the three hour drive home. If you’re not old enough to remember these wonderful inventions, station wagons were smaller than a minivan, but larger than a SUV, although without the four-wheel drive and the prestige.

Usually this drive passed relatively quickly, flushed as we were with family conviviality, Christmas turkey, and new and unusual presents, not to mention a tiny bit of Christmas Cheer. However, this particular year the weather Geni decided to grant the wishes, not of obedient, traveling sons and daughters, but those of frivolous stay-at-home children pleading for a White Christmas. A blizzard was gathering force as we left Kansas City heading south.

The return trip was taking far longer than the usual three hours, and one of the main reasons for this was because DH always took the rural Missouri, back country roads home, instead of Interstate 70. This was because he had personally checked the mileage both ways…. and hell would freeze over ( and it almost did that night) before he would waste an ounce of gas driving extra miles. Nevermind the fact that Interstate 70 would be under constant maintenance by numerous snow plows, even though it was midnight on Christmas Eve.

So…. when we were about three-fourths of the way home and down to twenty miles per hour on that path that was less traveled…. but needless-to-say….an unplowed, curvy, hilly, two lane road…..the fury of the storm intensified to near Antarctic conditions…..and since the windshield wipers could barely remove the snow fast enough (not to mention the ice buildup that the defroster wasn’t able to manage) visibility was down to a few feet, and we barely missed a car stalled at the side of the road.

DH swerved and skidded the bulky station wagon to a stop. I heaved a sigh of relief when I realized we were still on the pavement and not sliding off the shoulder and sledding down one of the scenic Ozark Hills. But said sigh immediately turned into a gulp as I realized he was shifting into reverse and slowly backing up to the stalled car. I stared at DH with a look that said, “Are you out of your mind, picking up a hitchhiker in this storm? We’ll disappear from the face of the earth and no one will ever even find our bones?”

About this time a man’s ungloved hand rapped on my passenger’s side window. Well, whatcha gonna do??? I rolled down the window. The snow frosting the man’s uncovered head told the story of his long wait for another car to come down this lonely road so late at night on Christmas Eve. In a few words he told us that his car had run out of gas, but they only needed to go a short distance to the next town, if we could just take him and his family there to their relatives.

“Sure, get in” I heard coming from the generous man sitting beside me. I gritted my teeth, which I tried to turn into a smile. Then I saw his pregnant wife exiting the car, holding a sleeping youngster. Another child climbed over the front seat and they all quickly ensconced themselves between the multitudes of presents in our back seat.

Of course, this woke up my children and Frieda on the mattress at the rear.
The four sleepy children stared at each other over the back seat and Frieda’s smile was somehow similar to mine, I think….which could have been misconstrued by some, but not this desperate family. They all settled in and seemed to relax in the warmth of the car.

Not a word was said as we drove the few miles to their intended destination. Perhaps
they were as uneasy about getting into a stranger’s car and I had been about inviting them. But it wasn’t long before we came to another of the small towns that dotted this infrequently traveled road, and the man pointed out a small, brightly lit home, obviously waiting at that late hour for their Christmas relatives. As we pulled into the drive, an elderly face appeared at the window and the door immediately opened. The stranded family piled out of the back seat and hurried inside.

This family man, of so few words, paused as he held the open back door, obviously searching for just the right ones to say. Then he stuck his head back inside the car and I heard a soft, choked, “God bless you,” as he quickly closed the door and turned to follow his family inside the welcoming house.

Yes, Christmas is a time for families to be together, regardless of the day or the date…and I’ll always remember the blessings given and received on that snowy night by those who believed in the Spirit of Christmas.

HAPPY
THANKSGIVING


TIME TO COUNT OUR BLESSINGS.........................








i'm their Mimi


trong>

CLAYNATION NEW BULLETIN REPORTS: Clay to Star in Spamalot on Broadway!
Clay announced today that he's been invited to play Sir Robin in Monty Python's award winning musical comedy, Spamalot. Award winning director, Mike Nichols had this to say:




"Clay Aiken is amazing beyond that glorious voice. Turns out he is an excellent comic actor and a master of character. People will be surprised by his wide ranging talent, since the first impression is of great country charm and a singer to remember. This guy is not only a star, he is a lot more. We are lucky to get him for SPAMALOT."

Clay will be entertaining crowds from January 18-May 4 at the Shubert Theater. Tickets are on sale NOW at www.telecharge.com or by calling (212) 239-6200/(800) 432-7250. Ticket prices range from $36.50 to $251.50.

Read the full press release on the Public side of the official fan club site.

Clay Tells Fanclub Album is Still on Track!
We can't quote him directly as Clay's blog is part of the paying members perks for joining the fanclub....BUT when Clay announced the Spamalot news, he noted that this does not impact the work on his fourth album which is expected next year. He indicated he is in the studio working with producers this week!! Fan club members can read his blog at http://www.clayonline.com

Clay Attends a UNICEF Event on October 1st.
Clay attended the launch party of Jenna Bush's new book, Ana's Story: A Journey of Hope in New York City on Monday, October 1st. Clay attended in his capacity as a UNICEF ambassador as proceeds of the book will go to benefit UNICEF.

The New Yorker interviewed Clay at the party. "I read it on the plane to Afghanistan," he said of the book. "I was quite impressed. I remember thinking she must have had a ghostwriter, but she didn’t. She did it herself."

Air Date Set for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader
Both Fox and the official fanclub have confirmed that Clay will be part of a two hour special celebrity charity episode of Fifth Grader on Thursday, November 1st, pending the results of the World Series. If the World Series goes seven games, the episode will be pushed back. The episode will likely air from 8-10p Eastern, and Clay will be on with Regis Philbin. Check your local listings.


"Christmas in the Heartland" Tour
From the Official Fan Club: "It will soon be the Christmas season once again and you know what that means... So, dust off your bells & don your Santa hats, cause before you know it, Clay and the gang will be touring "Christmas in the Heartland" for the holidays." Read more at http://www.clayonline.com

Fan club pre-sales, available to the Fan Club members, have already begun. The following venues have been announced:

11/26/07 Central Christian Church, Wichita, KS
11/27/07 Fox Theatre, St Louis, MO.
11/28/07 Morris Center, South Bend, IN
11/29/07 Genesee Theater, Waukegan, IL.
11/30/07 Miller Auditorium, Kalamazoo, MI
12/02/07 Warner Theater, Washington, DC.
12/04/07 Kirby Center for the Performing Arts, Wilkes Barre, PA.
12/06/07 State Theater, New Brunswick, NJ.
12/07/07 Palace Theatre, Albany, NY.
12/08/07 Mair Hall, Poughkeepsie, NY.
12/09/07 Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, CT.
12/11/07 Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, NJ.
12/12/07 State Theatre, Easton, PA.
12/13/07 Mayo Center for the Performing Arts, Morristown, NJ.
12/15/07 Community Arts Center, Williamsport, PA
12/16/07 Erie Civic Center, Erie, PA.
12/17/07 State Theatre, Playhouse Square Center Cleveland, OH.
12/19/07 Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis, MN.
12/20/07 Orchestra Hall, Minneapolis, MN.
12/21/07 Slosburg HallOrpheum Theatre, Omaha, NB.
12/22/07 Star Plaza Theater, Merrillville, IN.

END OF NEWS BULLETIN ---- BEGINNING OF GENI


Hey, sports fans, I saw Spamalot almost two years ago….March 2006.
Lara and I had great time in NYC.

And of course I wrote a blog about the trip to CT. Here it is :




....had a great time in chilly NY and CT. Lara. Harry, and babytobe are fine. Spamalot was hilarious but it was disappointing that Tim Curry was no longer in it as King Arthur and for some reason (probably he heard black-cloud-geni was coming) Hank Azaria did not appear that day…..but the actors were very funny. David Hyde Pierce was pretty much the way he was in Frasier, rather droll. The play followed the plot ? of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, so if you’ve seen the movie you know the antics that were going on in the play. I hadn’t seen the movie in so many years that most of it was a surprise…still laughed at the coconut clacking horsehoof sounds, and the knight who wouldn’t give in…but I think lots of it was new, with new songs…and the opening musical number…which was "Beautiful Finland", replete with native Finlandish costumes…until the narrator returned to the stage and repeated that the play was about BRITAIN! being the cynic than i am, my favorite was Not Yet Dead Fred, who refused to get on the dead plague victims cart…..so much so I bought the tshirt.




End of original blog…


Gosh, a lot can change in a year and a half, can’t it? I’ve been working at an Emergency Assistance Center for almost a year now. The eagerly awaited first baby is now a year and four months old.

I’m still amazed at the baby shower dd’s in-laws arranged for her. Here’s what happened back then.
Lara's baby shower in CT was quite interesting to a Midwesterner. Don’t know what you do in your part of the country (or Canada) but in MO we serve cake, mints and Mr. Peanut assorted nuts. We had a full sit-down dinner, choice of 3 entrées, and champagne punch in CT. My daughter received every imaginable baby appliance… and she had 6 helpers….one unwrapped, one wrote, one handed her the card, which she then read and held up the gift, one stuck the card in the box, two carried the gifts to the sides of the room, (restaurant banquet room) where there was still room to stack things.oh, forgot, one took pictures. i occasionally went out to the bar and sat with my SIL and his dad and sipped wine.

Oh, and another baby is on the way in CT. Yes, a lot of things have changed….but one has remained constant. My enchantment with the cutesingerguy. Yipper, I’m still here and just as much as fan as ever. Haven’t gotten my ticket to see Clay as Sir Robin yet….but I’m definitely gonna see that play again. So much is going on with clay lately….and actually I’m wondering how in the world he can do three things at once…..finish a new album, rehearse and tour for Christmas, and rehearse for his January debut in his first Broadway show????? Guess that's why he's a star!!


it’s just me, geni


------------------------------

OSAGE MENACE CONTROL/TURTLE HABITAT UTILIZATION DEPARTMENT

ASPCA NOTICE: NO TURTLES WERE HARMED IN THE CREATION OF THIS BLOG

Here at beautiful Lake Oz, we have an insidious menace threatening our shores…..namely turtles. No not sea turtles, those notorious terrifying terrestrial tortoises. My versatile cocker spaniel, Tommy, has declared open season on these ferocious reptiles infesting our woods
.
Here is Tommy in the official OMC/THUD vehicle – a recent purchase from the Russian Mafia (according to H2’s superior knowledge of the auto industry.)











In my last blog, I forgot to mention Tommy’s main occupation, which is serving as the Assistant to the Department Supervisor of OMC/THUD, namely me. Tommy’s job is to locate these menacing marauders, root them out of their perfidious hidden crannies, wrestle them to the ground, and scare the shit out of them.












A DEFEATED TURTLE SCREAMING FOR MERCY

First of all, I must confess that Tommy loves his work and absolutely loathes turtles. He thinks they are too dumb to live around civilized people, and also they are invading his territory. Tommy and I have decided that since turtles are the oldest living reptiles – older than snakes and lizards - 215 million years of evolution has rendered them essentially mindless shells with feet.

They journey through the woods and end up facing our fence and have no idea what to do next. Obviously they have no knowledge of left or right turns, let along U turns. So they just sit staring at the fence for hours, while Tommy, on the inside of the fence, loudly exhorts them to leave. Needless to say, the neighbors do not understand his rationale and phone me to do something about my noisy dog.

It does no good to just say “shoooo” to a turtle. Since my duty as Department Head of OMC/THUD is habitat relocations, I have to walk through the woods around the outside of the fence carrying a bottle of red fingernail polish to where this pea brained reptile is sitting in his shell (guess he doesn’t like the barking either) and carry it back down in the woods facing the opposite direction. Now you (and the neighbors) may ask, “Why are you carrying nail polish?”

To which I answer, “to paint the shell of the invader, naturally”. If the same one shows up at my fence again, he is soup.







TURTLE AFTER HABITAT RELOCATION

Now, if a tortoise is encountered on our daily outing, Tommy is on it in a New York minute. He looks like he’s playing soccer with the hapless creature. The way he bats the thing around perhaps he mistakes the shell markings for soccer ball hexagons. They are quite similar, ya know, and Tommy is a big fan of David Beckham. We’re so glad he and Victoria moved to the U.S. and now we have another vapid blonde to watch on the Insider…..Oh, wait, I digress…………


Davey does seem to have somethin goin for him…..but can he sing???



Clay content: I wonder if Clay might be interested in helping me set up a turtle sanctuary. After all, these helpless creatures need to included in conservation efforts just like the more gifted (and attractive) animals. He knows my number if he is interested.
it’s just me, geni

"If dogs don't go to heaven, then i want to go where they go."



No this isn’t Tommy. This is the twelve million dollar Maltese, Trouble. Just goes to show that everybody loves pets. You don’t even have to be a nice person to love a dog. Well, yes, there is the possibility that Leona just left the dog that money to piss off her kids…..,..gotta love that woman
.


CLICK ON ALL PIX TO ENGLARGE. YOU DON'T WANNA MISS THE MISCHIEVIOUS EXPRESSION IN TOMMY'S EYES.

Here’s my Cocker Spaniel,Tommy. He’s a wonderful dog and I wouldn’t sell him for twelve million dollars. (Please, Lord, don’t tempt me on this.) He is so smart, and talented. He works hard and loves to celebrate in his off time.





He really likes Halloween and greets each Trick or Treater at the door with
the bucket of treats in his mouth. Sorry I couldn’t get a pic of that, but he somehow ate all the treats when I wasn’t watching.





Independence Day is one of his favorite holidays. He loves the fireworks displays and he isn’t afraid of a little noise like those finicky Corgies or Poodles. Of course, there is the possibility that he just likes the BBQ hamburgers. Cost me a pretty penny last July when he burned his tongue on the grill.





He loves for me to read to him. Cat in the Hat is one of his favorites. He’s friends with the neighbor’s cat although he did get a nasty scratch on his nose (more vet expenditures) when all he was trying to do was greet her just like dogs greet each other……… I think in this pic he may be saying a few choice words about that hat.






He likes to play games. Cowboys and Indians is fun (but why do I always have to be the Indian?)





But I get back at him when we play dolls and he has to wear the bonnet.





We love to play Star Wars. I think he has a thing for Princess Leia and he never shares her with me. I have to make all the whooshing noises for the X wing fighters, but he’s working with his speech therapist on this problem.











Tommy is a really big Clay Aiken fan. He insists that I play Clay’s cd’s all the time. He even tried wearing his hair in bangs like his Idol.





And as I said, he’s a hard worker. Here’s Tommy resting in his easy chair after a hard day at the office, checking the stock market. Needless to say, his portfolio has been depreciating considerably…..he just threw down his hat in disgust.









Oh, I almost forgot his favorite holiday. Christmas of course. He just loves to wear that Santa hat. Oh, wait, that’s me…….nevermind.






Ok, so I lied a little bit. He didn’t lose that much in the stock market. He invests his funds very conservatively.

All right, the truth is….here’s where I find him every day when I come home from work. But the minute I wake him up…..he’s really happy to see me. He hasn’t figured out how to open the treat jar yet……






it’s just tommy’s playmate, geni